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  Praise for I’ll Let You Go

  “A panoramic portrait of Los Angeles, from the homeless shelters of the inner city to the middle class suburbs of the Valley to the princely mansions of Bel Air … Mr. Wagner delineates his characters with such sympathy and verve, such a sharp eye for the status details that reveal their social standing (and secret pipe dreams), that they become palpable human beings, real in their griefs and yearnings and illusions.… Luxuriant, bewitching prose.”

  —Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times

  “Wagner’s competing mythologies of millennial California mesh with the precision of gold-plated gears in a luxury timepiece. Up-to-the-minute cultural allusions … complement a vision that is rich with comic plot threads and a brash authorial voice but also tinged with melancholy.… A sincere exploration of life, death and immortality.”

  —People

  “Wagner’s astute portrayal of the follies of the rich is exceeded by his skill at rendering the lives of the poor. The chapters on Amaryllis, for example, are worthy of a latter-day Dickens.… The book succeeds, for it champions elements of fiction too often neglected in contemporary literature—plot, character, suspense—elements proved by the Victorians to have an enduring capacity to delight.”

  —The Washington Post

  “A tour de force.”

  —Library Journal

  “A masterful, modern-day fantasy of millionaires and madmen, fathers and sons, reality and dreams.”

  —Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

  “The author of the audacious I’m Losing You extends his comic vision to epic proportions.… Proust meets Prozac along the class divide in Los Angeles.… [A] smart, funny novel.”

  —Book

  “While The Corrections was the family epic that topped every critic’s list in 2001, Bruce Wagner’s I’ll Let You Go is the saga posed to carry the literary baton this year.… The language is elaborate and rich.… A rich Tenenbaums for the West Coast set? Yes, and so much more.”

  —Dailycandy.com

  “Wagner’s Los Angeles [is] a city overflowing with eccentric philanthropists and violent madmen.”

  —The New Yorker

  “If Dickens were writing in 21st century Los Angeles, he might produce something akin to Bruce Wagner’s capacious new novel.… Wagner’s narrative style is unique—sometimes lushly romantic, other times acerbically satiric.… [Wagner] manages to pull it all off with considerable aplomb.”

  —BookPage

  “Dickens? Forster? These are heavy comparisons for a … contemporary writer to live up to, but Wagner compels you to think along these lines.… A book that is clearly intended to be a major novel and, more often than not, manages to succeed. [Wagner’s] is one of the more exciting talents in American fiction.”

  —The Sunday Star-Ledger

  “I’ll Let You Go is thoroughly engrossing and destined for greatness.”

  —Time Out New York, Fiction Roundup

  “Wagner revels in the opulent lifestyles of his eccentric cast of characters and … requests the reader’s indulgence in allowing him this luxurious revelry.… It’s well worth the time.”

  —Booklist

  “The first must-read novel of the year.”

  —Gear

  “An elegant and bitter family saga that owes as much to Dickens as it does to Chinatown.”

  —Talk, Talk Ten

  “Wagner takes so many chances, breaks so many rules and gets away with it so spectacularly that it seems as if he has dragged Dickens into the 21st century by his boot heels.… A great novel for the new millennium.”

  —Booksweek, The Sunday Oregonian

  “The sprawling, Dickensian story [Wagner] tells in I’ll Let You Go, one of compassionate oddballs simply trying to find a little love, is something every substance-starved reader will savor.”

  —Atlanta Journal-Constitution

  “[Wagner] continues his exploration of the social customs of the Left Coast. [I’ll Let You Go] ups the ante with a ripping neo-Victorian novel centered around the three-generation Trotter dynasty of Bel-Air.… Once begun, I’ll Let You Go doesn’t.”

  —Flaunt

  “A robustly populated, fiendishly complicated story of class inequity and high romance.… There are moments when a reader thinks Wagner himself must be a foundling, some long-lost bastard son of Dickens and Jane Austen.… Hugely lovely … and, for all its debt to the past, altogether singular.”

  —San Francisco Chronicle

  “A modern-day book of marvels …”

  —The Free Lance-Star, Fredericksburg, Virginia

  “A stunning saga of modern Los Angeles … Outrageously extravagant … It’s astonishing, this novel. No other word quite fits.”

  —Polly Paddock, Times Union Albany

  I’ll Let You Go is a work of fiction, and all of the events, situations, incidents, and dialogues contained in it are products of the author’s imagination. Other than those well-known persons whose inclusion is incidental to the plot, the characters in the work are inventions of the author, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Where the names of actual persons are used, or symbols or names of actual entities are referred to, the situations, occurrences, and descriptions relating to them, and the statements and dialogues attributed to them, are completely fictional and are not to be construed as real.

  2003 Random House Trade Paperback Edition

  Copyright © 2002 by Bruce Wagner

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Random House Trade Paperbacks, an imprint of The Random House Ballantine Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

  Random House Trade Paperbacks and colophon are trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  This work was originally published in hardcover by Villard Books, an imprint of The Random House Ballantine Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., in 2002.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Wagner, Bruce.

  I’ll let you go : a novel / Bruce Wagner.

  p. cm.

  eISBN: 978-1-58836-112-7

  1. Beverly Hills (Calif.)—Fiction. 2. Los Angeles (Calif.)—Fiction. 3. Homeless persons—Fiction. 4. Social classes—Fiction. 5. Rich people—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3573.A369 I45 2001

  813′.54—dc21 2001026729

  Frontispiece illustration: Sandow Birk c/o Koplin Gallery

  Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprint previously published material:

  Carcanet Press Limited: “Warning to Children,” from Complete Poems, by Robert Graves. Reprinted by permission of Carcanet Press Limited.

  Chronicle Books, San Francisco: Four lines from “The House that Crack Built,” from The House That Crack Built by Clark Taylor. Copyright © 1992 by Clark Taylor. Reprinted by permission of Chronicle Books, San Francisco.

  Scribner, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and A. P. Watt Ltd.: Five lines from “The Song of the Happy Shepherd,” from The Collected Works of W. B. Yeats, Volume 1: The Poems, Revised, by Richard J. Finneran. Rights outside of the United States are controlled by A. P. Watt Ltd. Reprinted by permission of Scribner, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and A. P. Watt Ltd.

  Random House website address: www.atrandom.com

  v3.1

  Warning to Children

  Children, if you dare to think

  Of the greatness, rareness, muchness,

  Fewness of this precious only

  Endless world in which you say

  You live, you think of things like this:

 
Blocks of slate enclosing dappled

  Red and green, enclosing tawny

  Yellow nets, enclosing white

  And black acres of dominoes,

  Where a neat brown paper parcel

  Tempts you to untie the string.

  In the parcel a small island,

  On the island a large tree,

  On the tree a husky fruit.

  Strip the husk and pare the rind off:

  In the kernel you will see

  Blocks of slate enclosed by dappled

  Red and green, enclosed by tawny

  Yellow nets, enclosed by white

  And black acres of dominoes,

  Where the same brown paper parcel—

  Children, leave the string alone!

  For who dares undo the parcel

  Finds himself at once inside it,

  On the island, in the fruit,

  Blocks of slate about his head,

  Finds himself enclosed by dappled

  Green and red, enclosed by yellow

  Tawny nets, enclosed by black

  And white acres of dominoes,

  With the same brown paper parcel

  Still unopened on his knee.

  And, if he then should dare to think

  Of the fewness, muchness, rareness,

  Greatness of this endless only

  Precious world in which he says

  He lives—he then unties the string.

  —Robert Graves

  So let me sing of names remembered,

  Because they, living not, can ne’er be dead,

  Or long time take their memory quite away

  From us poor singers of an empty day.

  —William Morris (“The Earthly Paradise”)

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  1. Born Toulouse

  2. The Digger’s Tomb

  3. Saint-Cloud Road

  4. The Labyrinth

  5. A Lucy Trotter Mystery

  6. The Great Race

  7. Song of the Orphan Girl

  8. Concentric Circles

  9. Squatters

  10. Shelter

  11. Last Looks

  12. The Well

  13. Imaginary Prisons

  14. Little Search Engines That Could

  15. Revolution’s Eve

  16. Advocates

  17. When a Child Dies in the Home

  18. Little Girl Lost

  19. Gatherings

  20. Inventories

  21. The Secret Agent

  22. The Disorderly World

  23. To Redlands and Beyond

  24. Pixies and Tigers

  25. Carved Fungi

  26. Globe-Trotters

  27. For the Child Who Is Not Present

  28. The Book of Hours

  29. Doggish Days

  30. To the Four Winds

  31. Harvest

  32. Les Miz

  33. Assisted Living

  34. An Early Winter

  35. Probable Cause

  36. Reunions

  37. Twin Towers

  38. Awakening

  39. Thanksgivings

  40. Phantoms and Convocations

  41. Worries and Wrinkles

  42. An Epistolary Homecoming

  43. Words Alone

  44. Close to Home

  45. Termination of Parental Rights

  46. Forgotten Prayers

  47. The Wheel

  48. Aftershocks

  49. Pied-à-Terre

  50. Misery House

  51. Restless

  52. At the End of the Day

  Coda

  Dedication

  Other Books by This Author

  About the Author

  PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS

  The Trotter Family

  LOUIS AHERNE TROTTER (“the digger”), patriarch and benefactor.

  BLUEY TWISSELMANN TROTTER, his wife. A socialite.

  KATRINA BERENICE TROTTER, their daughter, a designer of gardens.

  MARCUS WEINER, her husband.

  TOULOUSE (“TULL”) TROTTER, the offspring of Katrina and Marcus.

  DODD TROTTER, son of Louis and Bluey; brother of Katrina. A billionaire like his father.

  JOYCE TROTTER, his wife. A philanthropist.

  EDWARD AURELIUS TROTTER, their son, a brilliant invalid.

  LUCILLE ROSE TROTTER, their daughter. A budding author.

  PULLMAN, a Great Dane.

  Servants

  WINTER, the Trotter’s longtime nanny and helpmeet.

  THE MONASTERIOS:

  EPITACIO, EULOGIO, CANDELARIA housemen and housekeeper. They are siblings.

  “SLING BLADE,” a cemetery worker and part-time Trotter family employee.

  Other Noteworthy Characters

  AMARYLLIS KORNFELD, a homeless orphan.

  WILL’M AKA “TOPSY,” an English eccentric. The orphan’s protector.

  SAMSON DOWLING, a detective and Trotter family friend.

  JANE SCULL, a deaf and dumb girl.

  GEO. FITZSIMMONS, a former caseworker.

  CHAPTER 1

  Born Toulouse

  The boy took long walks in the countryfied Bel-Air hills with Pullman, the stately Dane—ears like membranous tepees, one eye blue, the other a forlorn and bottomless brown, jowls pinkening toward nose, arctic-white coat mottled by “torn” patches characteristic of the harlequin breed, the whole length of him an inkspot archipelago—even though the animal didn’t seem particularly fond of such locomotion. Great Danes were majestic that way. They could take their jaunt or leave it.

  When people learned what each was named, they usually said the two had it wrong—better the noble, gigantine champion to bear the burden of whimsy (Best of Breed to Trotter’s T. Lautrec) while his master coupled to Pullman, steady, scholar’d, sleeping car Pullman, nostalgically trestle-trundling under bald hills and starstruck sky, velour shadow of midnight passengers murmuring within. Not that “Pullman” fit so well for the boy, though it might: twelve-year-old Toulouse was thin and dreamy, with the requisite bedroom eyes. His tousled red hair verged on blood-black, and his skin was so clear that the freckles seemed suddenly evicted, their remains the faintest of blurred constellations.

  So: Toulouse—etymology unknown. He suspected it had something to do with his dad, as most things cryptic or unspoken usually did. They had christened him Louis, after Grandpa Lou (Mr. Trotter, to the world), and his grandfather was the only one ever to call him that. For all the rest he was Tull. His mother had started it. An abbreviation in his own life, she was a connoisseur of abridgments. Toulouse: the boy always used that name in his head, the way one thinks in a different language. A father tongue.

  There are no sidewalks in Bel-Air to speak of, and though his mother, Trinnie, forbade it, the boy and his dog regularly ventured from Grandpa’s estate on Saint-Cloud Road to walk the musky, sinuous asphalt lanes—baked warm as loaves—against traffic, so as not to be run down by neighborhood denizens in careering, souped-up Bentleys and polished, high-end SUVs or by celebrity-hunting tourists, who traveled at less speed but were likelier to remain at the scene of an accident. If Pullman was struck, Tull suavely imagined, there’d be victims galore. Like plowing into a mule deer.

  They always found themselves at the strange house down the hill, on Carcassone Way. Well, from the road there was no house at all, no sign of the living, not even a graveled drive; merely a filigreed gate with the obscure and rusted barely discernible motto LA COLONNE DÉTRUITE. The entry’s metal wings, fastened with a cartoonishly oversize padlock, were under siege by a dusty, haughtily promiscuous creeper, evoking melancholy in the boy—the crass finality of a dream foreclosed. They discovered another way in. He rode the dog’s back through a desiccated hedge, the scratchy privet andromeda of a once finely pruned wall, until Pullman reached a clearing—quiddity of lawn smooth as the brim of some kind of wonderland bowler hat.

  Inside, the
sudden magical oddness of a centuries-old park. The empty, vaulted space, so queerly “public”-feeling, was serenely at odds with the neighborhood’s proprietary nature. Intersecting rings of a sundial armillary sphere sat atop a pedestal of English portland stone, and though Pullman drew near, it was not to relieve himself. Rather, he became instantly mindful and mannered; each time they broke in, the animal invariably yawned, downplaying his bold, jungly efforts. Tull Trotter’s heart sped, as it did with any adventure to this meadowy place, dipped as it were in trespasser’s spice. Mother being a landscape architect of world renown, his catchall mind knew its flora—there, in the green all-aloneness, he communed again with the elegantly attenuated pyramid of the Cryptomerias and pines; the billiardist whimsy of great clipped myrtle balls so carefully, carelessly scattered; a cutting shed made of morning glory; the junipers and wisteria that flanked the still, square ponds; then began his saunter toward the ominous allée of flat-topped Irish yews.

  He knew where those ancient columned soldiers led.

  As he entered, the air chilled and darkened. Pullman had vanished as surely as a magician’s offering. Tull walked through a phalanx of sentries until far enough in to see the wild, weird thing, two hundred yards off, set apart on a hillock … a stout, ruined column, fluted as Doric columns should be, rent with fissures, at least fifty feet in diameter, proportions suggesting it was all that remained of a temple forty stories tall. Whatever peculiar god had made this base had provided it with crazily bejeweled windows too, oval, square and pentagonal, then snapped the tower off five floors up, where tufted weeds sprang from its serrations like hair from an old man’s ear. What could he make of it? The boy had never even gotten close enough to peer in. Now he moved inexorably nearer, at once cool and febrile, the capricious breath of open fields rushing at him like a breezy compress on the forehead during a sickbed hallucination.

  Now he could see white, tented forms—furniture?—in the rooms within, but was interrupted when a daymare shape came from nowhere shouting, “Little fucker!” Tull was startled enough that he couldn’t read any features, though it was wearing bib overalls, the perfect parody of a ghoulish Mr. Greenjeans. In a blink, the figure rudely tumbled, care of a certain Dane; the terrified man, having met a fair match for the Olympian pedestal’s remains, retreated to the severed column while Tull made a sprinting Hardy Boy getaway. Regal and unruffled, Pullman strutted a beat in his master’s direction, then paused, slyly turning with calm eye and tarry muzzle to fire a last warning shot toward the groundskeeper—the astonished head of whom already appeared in an upper portal of the cylindrical mirage. Then, like a Saturday-morning-television creation, the aristocratic beast leapt toward his charge, through the chilly gantlet of yews, past the huge myrtle balls leading to the brambled entry that would carry them back to Carcassone Way and the homely, reassuring traffic of the world.